Performed Live @ Bowery Poetry NYC
Today I commuted on the E train to my office in times square, sat through a 9-5 and two cups of coffee, took same train home during rush hour, a crowded bus I get off after Main Street roll to my apartment
finally burst through the door
look in the mirror for the first time today and there
in all of it’s misplaced overlooked glory
is last night’s bra
shining from the back of my wheelchair.
How did I leave that oh it must have been when I oh dear god did everyone in my office wait everyone on the subway the bus driver who had to strap in my wheelchair I’m 89% sure I’m going to end up on the internet great, that’s why that guy was smiling at me for so long this morning
you — my old metal friend giver of freedom of equality transporter of life of bodies of my body holder of all things important like my purse and my wallet and my dog when she sits in between my feet on my foot pedal and now apparently my pink bra I blame you for being so convenient so available so willing to help me carry most of my life with me while everyone else struggles with four bags I hardly lift a finger
As much as I’d like to blame you for clinging onto parts of my life that never get privacy and parading them around
this was on me for being forgetful.
But isn’t this what they wanted?
When I step out onto the street isn’t my body is already on stage burning under theatre lights sweating under the gaze of men twice my age children someone’s grandmother & probably you
Might as well give them something scandalous if they’re already looking
when your body is public discussion everyone in midtown already saw your pink lingerie flailing from the back of your chair maybe the lingerie is your chair or your body or the way it curves and bends and gives and breathes in ways no one else’s does
does it matter isn’t everyone already thinking they’re seeing something vulnerable about you just by looking at you aren’t they already staring aren’t they already talking that man smiling at you, taking your bra as invitation is that different than any other day you step outside don’t they already think your body is open to them assuming you’ll give in because you must never get any anyway
& even if I spent everyday with a pretty pink undergarment hanging from my wheelchair
weren’t they already looking?